BEAUTIFUL GOODBYE
by Kats
Author's Note: None of these characters are mine, they are the wonderful creations of Joss Whedon. I am merely a Buffy fanatic with nothing better to do over the summer.
It's short and it turned out fluffy. I hate it when that happens! This is my first crack at a Buffy and Angel story so I hope you enjoy.
This is how I see Angel leaving the show this season to begin the spin-off named after him in 1999.
Feedback to [email protected]
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Buffy sat impatiently in the park. She looked at her watch for the hundredth time that night and sighed in frustration. She was waiting for Angel. All year he had been avoiding her, and just last night he asked to talk to her. About what, she didn't know. She was afraid and excited to find out.
She missed him. Ever since he regained his soul and returned from Hell, he had been avoiding her. Buffy knew he felt guilty for everything he did, but it wasn't really HIM that did it. How could he not see that?
She was too deep in her thoughts to notice him come up behind her. Angel took this oppurtunity to watch Buffy off-guard. She doesn't sense me but she should. He constantly worried that Buffy was weakening. I shouldn't do this, I need to protect her. He fought with himself, No. The reason she's weak is because of you. She wants you to protect her. He gave out a big sigh which instantly got Buffy's attention.
She turned around and saw him. He took a step forward and said, "Hi."
She gave him a small smile, "Hi." It hurt to see how uncomfortable he was around her. It hurt when he evaded her look. He was paying more attention to his hands than to her. Buffy knew he was hurting inside, he had to be. And she wanted to help him. She yearned for him to hold her again....to kiss her.
She watched him contemplate his next move and was relieved when he came closer. He stood in front of her now and was close enough to kiss. She silently offered him the seat next to her and he just as silently refused.
"So what's this important thing we need to talk about?" Might as well get it over with, she thought.
Angel couldn't seem to stop fiddling with his fingers. Buffy was so annoyed by it that she grabbed his hands out of pure irritation. That single act shocked Angel as much as Buffy. She hadn't realized how long its been since they touched. He slowly pulled his hands away.
Much to Buffy's surprise, he took her hands and pulled her to her feet. Now they were so close he could hear her breathing. If he had listened closer, he would've heard her heart racing. He dared to lift her face and stare into those eyes. This was what he was afraid of, he couldn't resist her. God, she's beautiful.
"Angel?" she whispered softly. The urge, the temptation, the burning desire was too much! He bent down and kissed her. The familiar sparks brought shivers down his spine. He could feel her heart beating wildly as he pulled her close to him.
It was a long kiss, one that Buffy refused to end. She had dreamt many lonely nights for this moment---------for him to come back to her.
But time never stops for precious moments. Angel pulled away abruptly and took a step back. He had lost control again. He looked away as he regained himself.
Buffy was hurt and she didn't hide it, "Angel what's wrong with you?"
She took a step forward and he took a step back.
"What happened to us?"
He shook his head sadly, "There can never be an us. Can't you see that? I'm getting in your way."
Buffy almost laughed at him, "You're not getting in my way. And even if you are, I kind of like you in my way."
He looked painfully at Buffy. She would never understand. "I was wrong. I should have never called you here." He turned and quickly walked away.
Buffy wouldn't let him off that easy, not after that kiss. She ran after him and pulled him around, "What are you so afraid of? Everyone knows it wasn't really you that did those things. Why can't you?"
Angel jerked his hand away, "It's not that simple. You wouldn't understand."
Buffy eyed him levelly, "Then make me." She was serious.
He sighed, why couldn't she just let it rest? Because she loves you. Angel winced at the thought. It was true in her eyes, she loved him. And as much as he denied himself, he loved her too.
He could feel her eyes searching his face for an answer. It was hard to look at her and not feel tempted to kiss her again. "I.....I-I'm leaving Sunnydale."
He saw hurt in her eyes and tears which threatened to surface. "WHY?" she asked sadly.
He looked away. "Its hard for me to be around you." Buffy put her hand to her mouth, she was going to cry. "That night..." he remembered it so well, "we crossed a line that should've never been crossed, and I have to go away to make sure it never happens again."
Tears ran down her face as she cried, "No! That night we.........we couldn't help it! We were in love!"
"We lost control. I lost control." Angel argued. As much as he hated to hurt Buffy, this was for the best.
"It wasn't your fault," she sobbed, "I am as responsible as you are and we didn't know that all this could've happened!" She was shaking now and it took all his will-power not to hold and comfort her. If he did, he would never leave.
Instead he watched her sadly from his distance, "I'm sorry." he said grimly.
She wiped away her tears and asked him softly, "Where are you going?" Her eyes pleaded for Angel to stay. Her entire demeanor pleaded with him to stay: she looked helpless, innocent and pitiful. No one would've believed she was the Slayer.
His heart screamed in agony and he had to grasp the tree beside him to stop from running to her side. It's so hard. It's too hard. "L.A."
She nodded sadly and walked slowly towards him. His mind lit up in alarm and commanded his body to move away. But his legs did not respond and he couldn't move. Angel watched nervously and half-frightened out of his wit. The burning desires were trying to break free.
She turned his face to her and saw he was fighting to control himself. She gazed at him with puppy-dog eyes and spoke two words which caused his legs to collapse under him, "Dont' go."
Angel felt like an idiot. Why was he so weak? He backed up against the tree and hid his face in his hands and knees. You're losing it, don't let her get to you! He felt someone crouch in front of him and touch his hand. He looked up to see her loving eyes staring down at him. He turned away immediately and spoke, "Buffy....I have to leave tonight." This news gave him some stregnth and he got up slowly. He stared down at Buffy, his control fully regained. They stood in silence before Angel turned and walked away.
"Wait!" Buffy cried, desperation in her voice. He sighed and turned back to her. "Will I ever see you again?"
His mind didn't plan to, but his heart ached for the next time he'd see her. "I don't know." he said coldly.
Her voice was even smaller now, "Aren't you going to say goodbye?"
She looked so helpless, so sad.......how could he leave her? Angel bit his lip and muttered, "Goodbye."
Instantly he started run-walking away. The sooner he got away, the more distance he put between them. Don't look back, don't look back.......he heard a soft crying behind him.......don't look back......it sounded like a lost child......don't look.....it sounded like loneliness......back.
Buffy fell to the ground and broke into tears. Angel had spoken so harshly to her. He was leaving her life forever. The words he spoke hurt, but were true. They had crossed the line they never should've stepped over. And now they would never cross it or get near it again, Angel would make sure of it. Her heart was broken, she was alone again. The one she loved, the only one she loved had abandoned her again in the dark. Their love was undeniable, but it had to be. For the sake of her friends, her family and the world, it had to be denied. "Maybe," she thought to herself, "its better if we never met."
"You don't mean that."
She looked up in surprise. He smiled that wonderful smile of his and bent down beside her. "If I could go back and do it all over again," he wiped away her tears, "I wouldn't change a thing."
She never felt so happy and so sad at the same time. She reached up and hugged him, not wanting to let go. He held her too and stroked her hair, "I love you," he whispered, "I can't deny that."
"Then why must you leave?"
He kissed her on the head and sighed, "It's just what we have to do." She was the Slayer, he was a vampire. There was no "happy ending" for them.
They were locked in the embrace for what seemed like an eternity. Neither really wanted to let go, but they had to. Angel was first to let go, "I have to go now or I'll miss the train." He kissed her on the forehead and took a few steps back, "Goodbye Buffy," and he ran into the darkness.
Angel carried his duffel bag into the station and waited nervously at the platform. The sun would be up any minute now and the train was running late. He had booked a room for himself and gave specific instructions that no one enter it during the day. He also made sure heavy curtains were added to the windows. Angel looked out and was relieved to see a light headed his way. He heard the familiar horn and waited for the train to stop in front of him. Weary passengers got off the train and were greeted by others who led them to their cars. Now people were piling in and Angel lined up at the end. A young woman kissed a man goodbye as he boarded the train. Angel winced at the sight. The old couple in front of him now boarded the train.
"Angel!"
He looked back and saw Buffy running towards him. He dropped his bag and ran towards her, "Buffy."
They met halfway and kissed passionately. Waves of happiness flowed through him and his heart jumped in excitement. When they parted, Angel picked her up and spun her around. "What are you doing here?"
She looked lovingly at him, "I wanted to say goodbye." He grinned and pulled her to where his duffel bag lay. He picked it up and threw it on board.
Then he turned once again to Buffy who, moments ago was filled with excitement, now stared down in sorrow. He lifted her chin and gave her another kiss. The horn blew to signal the train's departure. "Visit sometime?"
Buffy hugged him for the last time and he promised her, "I will."
A train attendant stepped out, "Um, sir?"
Angel waved him off and looked sincerely into her eyes, "Buffy I..."
"Shhhh." She put her finger on his lips to hush him. She smiled, "I know."
They kissed for the final time and he boarded the train. It started inching forward and Buffy began walking away.
"BUFFY!"
She turned. Angel had opened a window and stuck his head out. "I love you!" Her heart soared and just as quickly crashed as the bond between them seemed to break from their distance. Buffy started crying again by her lost, but this time it wasn't as painful. He stuck his head back in and disappeared from sight. Giles, who had driven her to the station, came up to her and offered himself to lean on. She took it and watched the train disappear around a bend.
"Let's go home," he said. Parting is such sweet sorrow. He had seen the whole thing and was smitten by their beautiful goodbye. As they walked out of the station and witnessed the sunrise of another beautiful day, they heard a song blasting from a nearby car:
Fed up with my destiny
And this place of no return
Think I'll take another day
And slowly watch it burn
It doesn't really matter how the time goes by
Cause I still remember you and I
And that beautiful goodbye
We staggered through these empty streets
Laughing arm in arm
The night had made a mess of me
Your confession kept me warm
And I don't really miss you, I just need to know
Do you ever think of you and I
And that beautiful goodbye
When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye
In these days of no regrets
I keep mine to myself
And all the things we never said
I can say for someone else
Cause nothing lasts forever, but we always try
And I just can't help but wonder why
We let it pass us by
When I see you now
I wonder how
I could've watched you walk away
If I let you down
Please forgive me now
For that beautiful goodbye
-Amanda Marshall "Beautiful Goodbye"
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